Who Killed Jesus?

This past week one of my young Chinese ESL students asked me "Who killed Jesus?"  I told her the story from the gospel accounts as I remembered it.  I told her of the various parties involved: the pharisees and their jealousy and hatred, Judas and his betrayal, the crowds of Jews who wanted Barabbas freed instead of Jesus, Pontius Pilate who handed him over to the Jews, and the Roman soldiers who carried out the sentence of death.  I didn't think to mention all his other friends who deserted him. And at the time I didn't think to tell her that I had, that she had, that we all had killed Jesus.  The song I learned in music camp, the summer after 8th grade, pretty much says it all.

Who Killed Jesus?

Chorus 

Who killed Jesus many years ago?
Who is guilty of a crime so low?
Why did He have to die?
What is the reason why?
Who killed Jesus?
I would like to know!

Verses

 Was it Roman soldiers
With their tools of war
Driving nails thru hands that did no wrong?
Mocking and abusing
Crowning Him with thorns . . .
All the evidence is very strong!

Was it Pontius Pilate?
He was governor
Trying to decide the case that day,
Finding that the Savior
Had no fault His own
Was he guilty when he turned away?

Was it Hebrew children,
Proud of who they were,
Shouting crucify Him at their King,
Trading their Messiah
For a common thief,
Turning down the kingdom He could bring?

When I think of Jesus
And the way He died
How upon Him all my sin was laid
All the other people
Fade away from view
It's for me the sacrifice was made!

I no long wonder anymore.
I have found what I've been searching for.
My sin demanded hell!
On Him the judgment fell!
I am guilty!
Now it's plain to see
That it was really me!

© 1970 New Spring
Mickey Holiday

The Thread

She sat in my counseling room, wiping tear after tear, make-up smudge after make-up smudge. Tense and self-condemning, but to her credit, honest and oozing out her pain.  We examined where suffering comes from and the purpose for it.  We contemplated 2 Corinthians 5:21, "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."  She claims to be a believer, but it seemed  she had never truly understood the Gospel and how to apply it to her own heart.  The fog may have begun to lift as we spoke.  Her tears were replaced with smiles as she left. She gave me a warm hug, words of thanks, and assurance she would come again.

 To help me recall her story and similar stories of multiple young women I've met,  I composed "The thread."  To some of the facts and themes that came up in this recent conversation, I have added my impressions and imagination to express where, I have observed, she and many women like her have been, are now, and, hopefully, will be in the future, allowing the last thread of their self-righteousness to be cut and  replaced with Christ's righteousness. 

The Thread

Five years ago 

I started falling, 

and falling.

Two years ago 

I violated my conscience.

In a way unthinkable.

“But you need to know
I didn’t want to.

I didn’t mean to.” 

My inner Defense Attorney argued.

“How could I subject

An innocent one

To such cruelty as I had known?”

“How could I permit this new life to be,
and so to forever link, not only me, but us?”

“To him?”

“I had good motives.”

“It is OK.” 

“I am OK.”

These defense arguments,

The only thread

From which I still hang,

My breathing tube.

Take it away

And I fear suffocating in pain, 
or falling deeper,

Hitting bottom,

And breaking into a million pieces.

With this thread you might not judge me

Quite so harshly

You might see a little glistening glimmer

Of goodness,

Still in me

I, too, might believe.

My only hope that I am not totally corrupt

Not totally depraved

Not unworthy of anyone’s love

Not forsaken, accursed, and non-existent

Except for self-detestation,
This thread, 

My little piece of hope

Pure repentance

Threatens to steal away.

Then

Another's voice,

The Accuser’s

Drowns out the Defense Attorney’s:

“You unforgivable murderer!”

“You despicable piece of dirt!”

He screams and everyone around

Echoes his words,

An inescapable
hall of mocking mirrors..

Feelings of hatred and shame

Wash over me anew

Insanely, frantically

I run to escape the haunting images

and accusations reverberating 
mirror to mirror

I don’t care where to anymore.

I must drown the voice of the Accuser,

The relentlessly screaming Prosecuting Attorney

In my head and everywhere I look

But how to really escape

The truth of what I did?

The truth of who I am?

When not shouting,

 Even its whispers

Are penetrating 

My plugged ears, 

Claiming to be the core 

Of my person-hood. 

And you, friends? Family?

You want to block my running?

You DON’T understand

I need to push past you,

Push through you,

I do what I have to do

To survive

I don’t mean to hurt you, too.

But don’t you see?

Running is the only way.

Numbness is my only friend.

Is my only...

 Friend?

I ignore a deep haunting:

This friend 
I know

Is a masked enemy

So afraid to live without

This Deceiver; yet,

So afraid of the day

He might unmask

I knew the unveiling was coming, 

Someday...

And along with any voice 

Of reason,

 I pushed that thought away, too.

I didn't expect it would be

Today!

I fear to see 

Numbness
As he really looks

Behind his mask. 

But I must!

Cells of a new life

Multiply In my womb

A new chance to start afresh

To undo the past

To protect this one.

Such knowledge

Cracks the Deceiver's mask
His ugliness peers out.

"Would you, my "friend,"

harm this little one?" 

I jab. 

"You would do

what I never want to be a part of again!"

As accusatory as I am,

I know

It is I, I who made this evil alliance

As I drank and partied away my shame. 

In running from the mirrors, 

I had run to another.

It is my own ugliness beneath the mask

glaring at me again! 

I am so afraid.

What have I done?
Will this one survive
poison I've pumped into its veins?

Will the Accuser never

Be silenced?

  

True guilt 

Deserves 

True punishment, 

I conclude. 

I will call up Jury and Judge 

For mental court. 

“Guilty as accused!"

They cry.

I self-sentence. 

I self-punish.
I cut.

Finally

A sense of justice.

With justice, a semblance of peace.

“There must be a sacrificial retribution

And it must be me.” 

Over and over again

Court meets. 

Who cares anymore?
I cut again.

 Vacuous peace cycles with despair, 

To my slow destruction.

Then,  when least expected,

As if other-worldly
A new friend sings me a song 

That permeates my darkness!

A song I didn't know

existed

No one ever sang me 

such lyrics before:

“There was already a judgment

The sacrifice has been made

The shame has been borne

The price has been paid.

Amazing love, 

Your victory won

 It is over.

Walk free!

Even the broken remnants 

I will redeem!

If you let me.  

Will you let me?"

Now, yet dimly, 

 I see, 

It is not me, 

But sin in me.

I lift what I always feared

The fountain pen of true confession,

Of pure repentance.

Embracing the waterfall 

Of eternal love and forgiveness, 

I sign in agreement 
Listing
ALL my sin 
and total depravity.
No more masks.
No more thread needed!
Barely having finished signing my name
The water rushes forth, 
Swallows up the ink-named sins
In curls it swirls away and is gone 
Forever!
Clean parchment left
Signed, "Jesus." 
Clean parchment
Awaiting new words, a story of my newness.

Defense, Accuser, Masked Deceiver, Jury, and Judge,

In shock that I'd ever sever loyalties,

All flee, 

Shrinking away to nothingness.

I know the truth, 

And the truth

Has set me free! 

I let go of the thread of self-righteousness 

And Christ catches me with his righteousness
 I don't fall, 

I fly! 

And I breathe 
Heavenly air, 

Sweeter 

Than ever recalled!

by Rhonda Lynn Wilkinson 3/13/13

Its a Scary World on the Perilous Path of Parenting, But Not One in Which We Are Left Powerless!

Photos by/from Brent and Shelly Theobald*

3/12/1913

My Hispanic clients gave me the following questions to discuss in our parenting class:

  1. How can I  have patience and tolerance with my kids, especially when I return from work very tired?
  2. How can I be a better mother?
  3. How can I educate my children?
  4. How can I learn to understand my baby?
  5. How do I protect my kids from bad influences?
  6. How can I keep my kids safe and secure?
  7. How do I discipline little ones - toddlers?
  8. How do I not give in to and always indulge the kids?
  9. How do I teach my child that they shouldn't always expect a toy or a reward but need to earn them

      through their actions?

10. How do I fix attractive meals for my kids?
11. How can I play more with my kids?
12. How do I tell a child already jealous of my attention that he is going to have a baby brother or sister?
13. How do you get a child's attention when they are misbehaving?
14. How to you get kids to improve their grades if they are getting bad grades?
15. How can a parent discipline a child when one spouse wants to and the other doesn't?
16. What do you do when kids want freedom from parental authority to do whatever they want to at an

      early age?
17. How can I educate my son when I am here and he is so far away in Mexico?
18. How can I learn what to say to my son so he won't rebel against me, because the methods that I have

      tried are not working and I don't like things like they are.

Just reading these questions reminds us that it is a scary looking world on the perilous path of parenting! Am I equipped to teach, giving answers to these questions?  Where does one begin?  I invite you to post some answers!  But for now, how about...

       2 Peter 1:3-4 
      "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge

       of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he granted to us his precious and very
       great promises, so that through them you might become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped
       from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire."

The culture around us is not the key enemy we are to fight to rescue our children's souls from danger, it is the evil desires lurking in their own hearts!  And how do we fight them?  These verses, promises within a promise, say we fight them with the knowledge of God and the promises of God! How do we as adults maneuver through this world fighting off the evil desires in our own hearts so that we can be a Christlike example to our kids or to those around us?  Parents need the precious promises, too, lest they set their children on the path of perilous parents.



* P.S. Brent and Shelly grew up as missionary kids in Papua New Guinea.  Here they are climbing a path on Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania.   I have been very impressed with strength of character and the confidence Dean and Ellie Theobald instilled into their children through their example and their loving parenting. Check out Ellie's business and a bit of their story from Ellie's perspective.  http://www.ellies-whole-grains.com/about-ellie.htm

Here is some of the story from one of Shelly's perspective, as she posted it on her Facebook wall:  "Proof of the story of my birth: only hours before I was born this was where my mother was. With the boat sinking and my sister floating away - how my father had time to take a photo, I am not sure - but I am glad he did.(: Stranded on a sandbar in the dark for hours with no way to communicate with anyone for help - my mother began to go into contractions. finally rescued hours later, my family safely made in to the May River Airstrip - where I was born somewhere between the boat and the plane. Wow! I have amazing parents!!!"

Thanks, Shelly!  Your parents were in a perilous time and place, but they were and are not perilous parents! Reminds me of a quote my son Andrew came home with from Pastor John Piper. He was commissioning a young couple preparing to go  with their young children to Sudan serve as missionaries.  As Andrew relayed it, Piper said, "Jesus never said it is hard for someone in the tribes of Africa to enter the kingdom of heaven. He never said, it is hard for a missionary kid to enter the kingdom of heaven.  Jesus did say that  it is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle; therefore, the most dangerous place to raise children is in the richest country in the world, the United States of America."